As a high-achieving kid, I always assumed that having to put in effort meant that I wasn't good at something. I hated practicing piano because I figured I shouldn't have to (and I got through 12 years of piano lessons, progressing, without much practice at all). Learning fractions brought me to tears because it didn't come naturally. No one ever told me that trying meant that I was stupid. (edit: I do realize, in retrospect and upon further reflection, that I was fairly consistently praised for work that was below my ability level but still great for the grade/age I was... and that I was praised for completing work very quickly. That certainly didn't help my views on effort.) I honestly think that, in most of my classrooms, the teachers did try to institute a learning goal environment. We had choices and opportunities for self-directed learning, we worked in cooperative groups, and my teachers gave actual, concrete feedback-- not just grades.
And while, at 24, I know that putting in effort does not mean that you aren't good at something-- and I know, as a teacher, that I want my students to know and believe this too-- I have trouble actually living by it. I've never had to try very hard, and I resent having to put in much effort.
For example, I took Chinese my freshman year of college. I was excited and ready to learn a new language. I had grand visions of being fluent in English, Spanish, and now Chinese. As the class progressed and I wasn't at the top of the class-- not only that, but I had to try really hard to even barely pass on the quizzes-- I decided I would quit Chinese. I passed it off as though I hadn't really wanted to take Chinese anyway-- that it was a silly, whimsical fancy of a freshman in college. I was protecting my GPA. When would I even want to use Chinese anyway? It's not like I would be returning to China and relying on my Mandarin skills. If I was going to study abroad anywhere (which, incidentally, I didn't, because I was afraid I wouldn't make it in a new place), it would be a Spanish-speaking country. I didn't need the language credits. I had already fulfilled them by rocking the AP Spanish exam and the Spanish SAT IIs. So I dropped Chinese. I still got a B- in my second semester. But in my mind, I had to try really hard, so it wasn't worth it.
Similarly, my senior year in college, I decided to finally fulfill that silly math requirement that my liberal arts college had in place. I decided to take the easiest course offered. I had barely made it through AP Calculus in high school (you know, with an 85% or something like that-- in my mind, barely passing), so I signed up for "Mathematical Concepts without Calculus." I rarely went to class, and was annoyed when I deigned to show up for a quiz or test and it was hard. I took the class credit/non-- again, to protect my GPA. I was majoring in art. I could do basic math. Why did I even need to fulfill this silly requirement?
Seeing a pattern here? I know I am. What I want to know is how, after 24 years of having this mentality, I can reverse it. I need to relearn how to think about my own abilities, and how to accept that effort (especially on things that don't come naturally and that I don't necessarily see the immediate value of) is, in fact, a good thing. I also want to know how I can work to prevent this in my own high-achieving students. I can practically guarantee you that they probably feel similarly.
I was just talking to a friend (who graduated high school at 15) who has a similar mentality to me. An excerpt of our gchat (used with her permission):
Kaitlin: oh me too
me: i guess
and i want to know why we feel that way
Kaitlin: what you wrote is exactly what I feel
and if you're not good at it, you don't like it, and avoid it
me: YES
exactly
Kaitlin: by not good I mean, have to actually study, or take more than 15 minutes on it
me: which i want to touch on, too
yep
Kaitlin: not even "not good" by conventional standards
it's "not IMMEDIATELY good"
me: yep
Kaitlin: yeah, it's important to try to figure out why that is
and how the cycle can be broken
and if you find out how, please let me know
Brittany,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your honesty and have had similar experiences in my life as well. I had so much to say about your post that as soon as I read it I wrote a very lengthy response, but it was lost in the ethers and I don't have it in me (read: motivation) to write it all out again right now.
The gist of the comment was that I think it is really hard to focus our energies on effort when we receive such strong messages about grades and products all our lives. To be accepted to college you need a certain GPA, regardless of how difficult the classes you took were or what other things you may have been focusing on in your life that were contributing to your development as a whole.
In the workplace product is highly regarded as well. Sell more than your coworkers or bang out the most work in a quarter to get a bonus or a raise, most companies value this quantity more than the quality.
As teachers we would love to tell our kids that effort is the most important thing, and that all we want is for them to try 110%. But then we give them a standardized test that people use to determine their success, and the quality of their education, school, and teachers (us).
I think it is great you are recognizing these things and want to change your outlook. It is a valiant endeavor, and if you find the magic bullet please let me know ;)
I loved reading your post, Brittany! So honest and eloquent. I had some of the same feelings and experiences in high school and college, to an extent. My moment of clarity came to me around my junior year of high school. I graduated with an extremely brilliant class (I had a 4.0 and wasn't in the top 10%). Everyone was quite competitive, and there was regular talk about who was at the top of the class (keep in mind, I graduated with a class of 70!). It was all about making the grade and staying on top. Well, I wanted to take some AP science classes, like Biology II and Anatomy and Physiology. Fellow classmates thought this would be GPA suicide and did not opt into these classes. Because these were AP classes, any grade automatically got 5 points added to it in the end, which was important, because I was still concerned about my grades. I barely scraped by with an A, and to this day, these 2 science classes are my most memorable and enjoyable from high school. Those of us in it weren't just memorizing facts to ace the test, like I felt those students who snubbed the classes were doing. We were in it, learning these crazy new concepts together, studying together and trying to make sense of everything. And most importantly, we were working hard, and our amazing teacher knew how hard we were working and consistently praised us for that.
ReplyDeleteSome of that not wanting to work hard for a good grade came back in college, partly because at first, I was just having too much fun in college! I've noticed that as I've gotten older (and much wiser?!), and decided to go back to school, that I'm doing a better job of not correlating how much effort I put into something with how smart I am. Maybe it's because I'm passionate about what I'm putting effort into right now? Whatever it is, I hope it sticks. Brittany, I think it's awesome that you're reflecting on this, particularly because you want to help you students from feeling that same way. Thank you for sharing! =)